audition 101

Maybe you've heard of craigslist.org. It's a web site dedicated to trading and selling goods. It's similar to Ebay in that regard, but it is much more grassroots. It is localized to particular cities. For example, if I wanted to buy a couch, I could go on there and find one in my area.
After being in Hollywood for a few months, I found out about an open call audition in Burbank on craigslist. I didn't have headshots at the time, but I decided it was worth the experience. The ad described this television show as a "VH-1 style" movie critic commentary show. The cast would comment on the latest movies and describe the good/bad of the film in funny ways. It required improvisational skills, but no monolouge was required.
So, I drove to the address in Burbank saturday morning. It was a giant office building, and I had no idea what kind of environment this was going to be. I parked, walked into the bizarre lobby of this place, and took the elevator up to the fifth floor. When the door opened on the fifth floor, the circus began. There was a hallway of what looked like some type of hotel, filled with every kind of person imaginable. There were latinos, african americans, white folks, asian, every race. Old people, young people, men, women, boys and girls. All shapes and sizes. I went up to this desk, and they told me to sign in. I had to fill out this really long form, and they told me to go to the back of the line. I walked down the hall, and around the corner. When I rounded the corner to the right, there was another, LONGER, hallway of people all the way down. After stepping over legs and feet asking people to excuse me, I made another right turn and an equally long hallway. The end of the line was all the way at the end of the hall. There were hundreds of people at this random audition, and there was talk that the wait could be three to four hours. I walked to the end, sat down, and began filling out my form.
The questions on the form were about my favorite actors, favorite 80's movies, and pop culture in general. Soon after completing this survey, I sat and watched as people continued to show up, lining the other side of the wall.
After ten or fifteen apprehensive minutes of sitting in this bizarre hallway, three young men emerged from a door right next to me. They began looking around with clipboards, and pointing people out. "Okay, you. Okay, you. Okay, you." Of course, they picked me out of the crowd.
So, I followed these three young men along with five or six other picks from the hallway. It looked as if they had picked people that might actually have a shot at the show. We were all young, and VERY good looking. I shock myself sometimes when I look in the mirror.
These men took us into this office, where they then began interviewing us one at a time. One man did stand-up, one woman had been an anchorwoman in some random city in Utah, or Nevada, or somewhere. One young african american gentlemen, upon being asked why he wanted to audition, replied, "Look, man...I'm an actor out here in L.A. I really need the money, man. I really just need money."
Thank you, sir. We'll be in touch.
Then, they interviewed me last. I told them I was taking classes at the Groundlings, but I didn't have headshots yet. They seemed to like me.
The three young men then took us all, minus the one african american gentlemen, of course, into another "holding cell." We had somehow gained the privelage of being able to skip the three hour wait by being randomly hand-picked according to our age. What a relief.
I struck up conversation with a couple of the people in our little group. They were incredibly friendly, and optimistic about this whole thing.
We were then herded into the main audition. There was a camera, a blaring light, and a long table with a panel of people watching us. There were already about twenty people in the middle of their audition. We crowded around the wall as each person was called upon individually to perform the movie monolouge they had been asked to prepare. Of course. And, they were asked to do any celebrity impressions. I, of course, had no movie monolouge prepared.
EXCEPT for my YEARS of ACE VENTURA LOVE! I performed a scene from Ace Ventura, when his landlord asks him about animals in the house. Despite being totally unprepared, the quirky little performance earned genuine laughs from the panel. It felt great. Then, they asked me to debate with this woman about why I thought "Gigli" was so bad. I made some comments about Ben Affleck's hair. Then, they were like, "Thank you everyone. We'll be in touch."
A couple of weeks later, I got a message on my cell phone.
"Hi. This is [Gerard] Thomas, and I see here that you auditioned for the 'Critic's Corner' tv pilot."
Oh wow! A response! I knew the audition went well! Maybe...
"I also see that you didn't have a professional headshot. If you would like to get headshots, I'm a professional photographer. These headshots are only $250 for the whole package. If you're interested, give me a call at..."
So much for that.