closing this chapter

My life has reached an interesting Howard Hughes-like status. I live with my parents here in Knoxville, Tennessee. I just moved here from Hollywood about three weeks ago. It was a long and arduous journey across the country in my small CRX.
I am brought to a point of reflection on the last year of my life, and what it has meant to me. I'll never forget my first night in Studio City. I came into the apartment about 8:30 that night, and Doug gave me the grand tour. There were books, a desk, a spiral staircase, and piles and piles of other peoples' lives. I was to make this place my home.I remember sleeping on the leather couch that night, and the next morning I went for a walk. I walked down Ventura Boulevard and soaked in the sights. We were at the foot of the Hollywood hills, and the culture was quite different than Tennessee. I was also overwhelmed by the odd rocky California terrain. The sun was shining down a friendly warmth. The sky was so deeply blue that day. I spoke with my dad on the phone quite a while, trying to describe L.A. I was getting the picture that he had no idea. It's still nearly impossible to describe.
I remember standing on the Churro cart on CityWalk at Universal. The air was fresh and warm, and the crowds just didn't stop. I remember the saturday afternoon they had a birthday celebration for Shaquille O'Neil, and he waved to the crowd from a giant crane. Then, Ruben Studdard came out and sang happy birthday.
I'll never forget the faces and personalities that I befriended there. There was such a colorful and diverse array of people I encountered. I'll never forget visitng some Australian college girls down in Hollywood, along with some other people from work. Talk about weird. I'll probably never see any of those people for the rest of my life.
I'll never forget the fake Michael Jackson sighting I had up at Universal. I was so excited that it might really be him, but of course it was an impersonator.
The sights, the smells, the California sun are all fading memories to me now. I get occassional e-mails from friends I made there, but it's not the same. I'll never forget waking up every morning next to a window that looked out into a grundgy alley next to our apartment building.
I'll never forget Doug Jones, who brought encouragement and inspiration just by being a friend.
I may never gaze up at the Hollywood sign again, but the memories are going to stay in my mind forever. The friends, experiences, and bizarre encounters will ultimately reveal their purpose. I may never be Ted Danson, but the person I've become in the process is something no one can take away. As I drove away with California in my rearview mirror, I looked to the excitement over the next hill. I knew that fresh inspiration awaited me,...just a little while longer.
I'll never forget sharing financial woes with my friend Travis. He only lived a few minutes away in North Hollywood. We were both overwhelmed by our surroundings. He introduced me to the North Hollywood diner, and Shepherd of the Hills church. Travis has since moved back to Alabama, and I fully support him. We both dove into the L.A. experience blindly hoping to find a new life. We had the bar high, and our expectations unfulfilled. The day to day financial struggle proved to be ultimately too much, for both of us.
My friend Ward soldiers on in L.A., doing successful wardrobe work all over the country. His destiny still lies in tinsel town, for now.
My friend Doug Jones continues to work and live consistently as an actor. He told me in an e-mail, after I moved back, that if his job didn't require him to live in L.A., then he and his wife would have moved back to Indiana years ago.
My roommates Doug and Andy continue living the life of aspiring actors. Taking workshops, classes, and anything they can get their hands on, they continue to network and move forward.
As for me, my destiny was something different. I found my destiny in the open plains of New Mexico, rising from a flat brown earth. I found my destiny gazing out at the surreal Grand Canyon panorama. An elderly black man in an Arby's somewhere in Arkansas, asking for bus fare. The glitz and flash of Las Vegas; the open road; an empty motel room late at night. These are the places I've called home. My body rising and continuing my journey of life, I've found a home with my family, and old friends who welcome me with open arms. Moving into an unknown future, I take one step at a time, discovering what's in store. In the hills of East Tennessee, I find my place again. Like a puzzle piece going back to its proper place in the picture, my life is coming back together. There are things I will have to repair, and other things I'll have to adjust. But eventually, my life will take shape again. The blur of images from Hollywood will take their place in the background of my life, and each day will continue to bring change.