Billy Graham at the Rose Bowl

Billy Graham at the Rose Bowl
Originally uploaded by ehiggin.

Last fall, Les and I discovered that Billy Graham was going to speak at the Rose Bowl in L.A. Knowing his age, we wanted to take advantage of the opportunity. We knew it was most likely one of his last speaking engagements, so we drove down there on sunday night.

I'm not sure what I was expecting. I thought it would be emotional, super-spiritual, or a life-shaking experience to watch this legendary man speak. But, it wasn't, really. It was just what it appears to be: a frail old preacher speaking from the pulpit. He was hunched over, holding the sides of the pulpit. His voice was soft and elderly. The simplicity of that was moving.

Les and I had no direction when we got to the Rose Bowl. We had to walk about a mile or so to get there after finding a parking spot. When we entered the actual Rose Bowl, we had no idea where to go. There were no signs or anything. We entered, and found ourselves surrounded and bombarded by Koreans. We were in the Korean vector of the Rose Bowl! We had to stand, and got repremanded by a Crusade worker who didn't want us to stand in that particular spot.

People flooded the field during the altar call, and it was an odd thing. It was surreal to hear Billy Graham up close, calling to the masses. I'm glad I got the chance to do it, especially in light of his recent announcement that his speaking engagements in New York will probably be his last. I deeply respect him, and God has used him tremendously.

forced retreat

I have been living in a trailer for the last week and a half. As in, mobile home. It's in a town called Ten Mile, Tennessee. There is no cell phone reception for miles, and it's right on the lake. My parents are moving into a house, and while I look for a job, I'm with them. So, that means I'm in the trailer for now.

Being on forced retreat has its pros and cons. The down side is, I feel removed from all society. There may be things I could be doing for my career out there in the world somewhere, but I don't have access to it. And, I'm losing touch with friends. And maybe reality.

The up side is, there can be spiritual benefits to such a retreat. Especially if it's forced. Being on the lake provides a heavy dose of up-close nature. It's always interesting to confront nature.

I went fishing with my dad. Standing out on a pier, in the afternoon sun, I quietly cycled through the process. Squeezing the line, whipping the rod, and casting the lure. The brightly colored lure whizzed through the air with a whrrr, and quietly splashed into the water. Methodically, rhythmically, I reeled it back in, watching the ripples. As the lure was reeled back to its resting place, I started over. The lake looked so serene. It's not going anywhere. It doesn't have any appointments. Off in the distance, clouds were silent and still. Steam slowly rose from a nuclear power plant (no joke) and blended into the white puffy clouds above it. Birds fed, chirpped, flew. Turtles swam, creatures splashed, ducks floated. And, I fished. Over and over and over, the cycle of the cast and the reel. Of course, I didn't catch any fish, but that's hardly the point, is it?

I also saw a snake one night. Brown and black stripes. It was slithering in the shallow water next to the shore. Over rocks, under a tree root. It was fast, smooth, and quiet. It stopped for a prolonged time, several minutes. Then, continued its slithering, disappearing.

Several times, while taking an evening stroll, I've startled a bunny from its hiding place. Bursting from undergrowth, it darted across the field. I don't know if I've seen the same bunny more than once, but it looks like the same one. It stopped some distance away, facing me, and remained still. Motionless, it sat in the grass, watching me. Then, it darted away into the trees. Innocent, and so full of life.

One night I took a stroll down to the lake. I found myself picking up rocks and throwing them at fish! I would stare into the water until they swam around. Then, I would launch the rock at fastball speeds straight down, shocking the fish and sending it zig zagging away like a bolt of lightning. The rock splashed explosively, sending a burst of waves and bubbles. I don't know why I found this so funny. I guess violence toward small fish is always funny. But it also reveals something inside me. Something I can examine. Feelings, thoughts, swirlling about in the subconcious, brought to the surface through the meditative act of communing with nature.

evil dead

evildead
Originally uploaded by ehiggin.

Ah, where to begin? How can I begin to describe this legacy in my life? I suppose I'll just start at the beginning.

I grew up in Morristown, Tennessee. For many years of my young pre-adolescent/post-adolescent life, I had heard of a film that was made in Morristown called Evil Dead. Of course, I wasn't curious enough to watch it. I'd seen the VHS case in the video store every time I skimmed over the horror section. I always hated that section. Gross VHS covers of ghouls, vampires, and other various twisted images. And, Evil Dead was no different. I turned my nose up at the thought of actually watching this schlock.

That was a long time ago.

When I hit college, and began getting interested (no, fascinated) with 80's horror, I remembered the Morristown, TN movie. So, one night I rented the VHS of Evil Dead with my friend Tim. My life, really, was changed.

"Evan, as your loyal blog reader, I'm wondering...how can a chintzy, low-budget, VHS 80's horror movie change your life?" Where, loyal blog reader, do I even begin?

First, I'll start with the film itself. Instantly, the fact that it was filmed in Morristown, TN, my alma matter, was the first big plus. Later, I was to find that it was filmed off the very road I lived on. "Really, Evan?" Absolutely. Literally one minute from where I lived. That's where it was filmed!

But, I'm getting ahead of myself. First, the film itself. It opens up with a band of miscreant college students riding in a car, as many 80's horror films do. The acting is bad, the writing is bad, and the cinematography is brilliant. It was like a spoof of an 80's slasher film. But, oh no, this was the real deal! These college "partiers" have rented a cabin up in the woods somewhere. They discover, I think in the basement, a "book of the dead" (original film title) with cantations, and some such nonsense. Unwittingly, they bring forth the evil in the woods, thus turning them into zombies, etc.

There are parts of this film where I had to stop the tape and rewind it. It wasn't because I was scared. It's because I was literally laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face, and I missed chunks of the movie. ("chunks of the movie"...how true. It's quite gory.) I can safely say that almost nothing in my life, much less a movie, has ever made me laugh that hard. I don't even like most comedies, unless it's Will Ferrell. But, this one did it for me. Evil Dead is the funniest movie I have ever seen in my entire life. This film transcends the actual film genre into a new realm of genius. I won't go into the details of why, but you get the idea. The sequences of bloodshed are so over-the-top, yet so sincere. The filmmakers were obviously trying so hard to make something over-the-top scary, but instead, they made it over-the-top bloody, absurd, and beyond all reason. But, the creativity and candor of it really make it worthwhile.

Reason 2 that I love this film so much is because of the lead actor. I noticed him when I first watched Evil Dead. His acting bad, yes. His screen presence...something endearing, and so hilarious came through. He sort of ends up being the hero of the film. (or, at least, the only one who survives.) As I watched the end credits (after a brilliant final scene, I must add), I saw that his name was Bruce Campbell. He couldn't have been more than 22, or 23. Oh, I was so naive, loyal reader.

After that initial magical Evil Dead experience, I learned that this film had a cult following. And when I say cult following, I don't mean 30 people in a van wearing homemade Evil Dead patches in Nebraska. Nope, I'm talking about real cult following. They have conventions. Fan clubs. Web sites. Everything. The whole nine yards. There are people obsessed with this little film made in my neck of the woods.

And Bruce Campbell? He has become the hero, cult icon, of this film. He shows up at the conventions, oh, yes. He signs autographs. He caters to fans for hours and hours. In fact, he's made a living for the past 20 years doing it. And, he still does. He has even written a couple of books. I own If Chins Could Kill, and it's one of my favorite books. He recently came out with a new book called, "Making Love the Bruce Campbell Way." Yikes. Bruce also still acts and directs. He directed several episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess. (yeah, I know.) And, he has appeared in several films and tv shows. I won't bore you by listing them. My friend Benj, who is the king of movie extras, was an extra in a scene with Bruce Campbell! And, he even spoke to the man, the legend, himself!

Evil Dead has spawned two sequels. Evil Dead 2 (duh) and Army of Darkness. You may be wondering, who directed Evil Dead? A young man named Sam Raimi. He is now one of the most prominent directors in Hollywood. He directed The Quick and the Dead, For Love of the Game, and both Spiderman films. He has also produced a whole slew of tv shows and feature films. There is also speculation that there will be new Evil Dead sequels.

Here are some sites for hardcore fans. Even if you're not hardcore, these sites are still interesting:

Bruce Campbell Online - the official web site

Deadites - official Evil Dead fan site

Ladies of Evil Dead - official site of the women stars of Evil Dead (no, really.)

spin cycle

You ever feel like your life is on spin cycle, and you don't have much control over where it goes? I certainly do.

I also feel paralyzed by fears of failure, being "stuck", and drifting into miserable situations. I can't say everything I want to say in this blog right now, because it would come across as being far more bitter than I mean it. I will say, however, that my fears usually become self-fulfilling. That's the catch 22 of it. I know I'm being vague, but I don't want to beat dead horses.

INNOCENT: my initial reaction

michael jackson trial
Originally uploaded by ehiggin.

I can't believe it. Micheal Jackson has been found NOT GUILTY on all 10 charges against him. That includes, giving intoxication agents to a minor with the intent to commit a felony, and conspiracy.

As I was watching the trial, I had several initial reactions. First, I found the crowd outside the courtroom hilarious! A middle aged white woman was releasing doves. They had to put one person on a stretcher and haul them away in an ambulance. There was cheering, and it was crazy. I was laughing out loud.

I was also shocked by the verdict itself. I expected Michael to be found guilty on at least one count. Even if it was a minor offense, it seemd like too much smoke for no fire. But, no. Innocent on all ten counts.

I also felt sad when I saw how somber Michael was as he walked out of the courtroom. Or, I should say, groggily shuffled out. They said on the news that if there was an outburst in the courtroom when the verdict was read, then there would be consequences. So, maybe The Gloved One was down playing his emotions. Weird, weird, weird.

My hope is that Michael is truly innocent. I feel odd about the verdict. On one hand, I celebrate it, as a fan. The cynical side of me, however, feels suspicious that this could be another...dare I even type this name...OJ Simpson situation. We'll see. We'll see what happens as the next bizarre chapters in Michael's saga unfold.

wading through peanut butter

I am a stout believer that people accept the consequences of their actions. I also believe that people don't end up in their station in life by accident. I believe in hard work, determination, intelligence, and all the things that drive a person.
My position in life right now, however, has me scratching my head and asking questions. How come I can't find a job? What's the deal with my family? Why are we moving? Where did my new girlfriend come from? How is it that all these things are happening to me, and I'm not doing anything? It's all just an odd sort of whirlwind. I'm caught in a storm. And, the goals I'm working toward?...Well, it's like trying to wade through peanut butter to get there. Neck high. And, I'm apparently doing something wrong.
I don't consider myself a very good actor. But, I haven't been in a play in a long, long time. And, I'm beginning to miss it. Times are strange. I'm desperately searching for a balance in my life, but the storm is rocking my little boat too much.
While it's out in the open, I do have a new girlfriend. It's incredible. But, maybe I'll blog more on that later.

make a difference

Brad Pitt in Africa
Originally uploaded by ehiggin.

proverbs 22:9
A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor.

I have a desire. The desire is to talk about my deep impressions of seeing poverty, sickness, and starvation in Africa without sounding preachy. After seeing the special on television tonight, I have a deep compassion for the poor people in Africa.

It is encouraging to see platinum celebrities such as Bono and Brad Pitt genuinely reaching out for such a worthy endeavor. Hopefully their celebrity status will get attention to the problems of starvation and poverty in Africa, and prompt people to do something about it.

My friend Les has sponsored and African child for a small fee every month. I was always curious about it. Now, after seeing the film Hotel Rwanda, hearing about the genocide in Darfur, and seeing Brad Pitt's passion for Africa, I have made a concious decision. When I have the means, I want to give money to African aid, and sponsor a child. It's a staggeringly small amount of money that can change someone's life. Click here to find out more about the effort.

NoHo Diner

As you may or may not know, I left California in misery. I felt that my adventures there ended on a high note with a fantastic two day excursion to fabulous Las Vegas! (another blog for another time) But, with all the reasons for moving back to the lovely southeast, I am beginning to miss things about California.

One such thing would be a fantastic little diner a couple of minutes from my apartment called the NoHo Diner. (North Hollywood Diner.) This place had a lot of character. The waitresses were women who were mostly close to the "senior" phase of their lives, if you get my drift. The setting of this diner had a lot of character, and a lot of regulars. I went there, on average, at least once per week. And, every time I would order the burger and fries. It was one of the best burgers I've ever had.

My friend Travis introduced me to this eighth wonder of the world. He was a big fan. He always got the #12, one waffle, bacon, and orange juice. It was the real deal.

This diner was an intrical part of my social life in L.A. Travis took me there one of the first days I was in Hollywood. My friends and I would frequently meet there, since it was open 24 hours per day. It was a weird solace area where we could absorb the strangeness of the environment, have a quality cup of coffee, and have a center of reference for our social meetings.

I've met some interesting people in the diner. A homeless man, a couple of transvestites, and the guy who played Chekov in the original Star Trek. I used to sit out in the outside seating area, that was sort of outside, but it had a roof over it. I loved the fresh air breeze, and the frequent blaring car alarms. Such a strange thing to miss, but there was just nothing like it.

texas chainsaw massacre

tcm
Originally uploaded by ehiggin.

I am a big 70's/80's horror film fan. They are usually clunky, low-budget, saturated with bad acting, and filled with wonderful "special effects." I sometimes wonder how these films get made, and all these elements are part of the appeal. These movies are rarely scarey, but it's kind of fun when they are.

I'll start by telling you my favorite of all time: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I always go into these films expecting them to be really bad. That's the fun. So, I rented the ancient VHS copy of TCM, popped it in the VCR, and my life was changed. Yes, the acting is bad. Yes, it's low budget. And it is a rare cinematic genius.

The film takes place in Texas (duh). Many of the shots are hot open road, blazing in the sun. The opening scenes of the sun, and the voice over by John Larroquette, are stunning. The sound effects are great. It is revealed that a group of unknown grave robbers have stolen some corpses from a local graveyard.

Then the action begins. A group of somewhat miscreant teens/early 20's kids is traveling to vacation at one of their grandfather's old houses. The dialouge is hokey, and the "performances" are clearly amateur. The first third of this film has some fantastic shots, creative angles, but other than that it's kind of slow. I was wondering why I had heard about this movie so much, and why some considered it classic. I was assuming it would probably go over my head.

Gradually, this film's true persona unravels. Like poetry, the pace of the film draws you in and scares your pants off! Surprisingly, there is very little, if any, blood. There is a bit of gore, but clearly would be PG-13 by today's standards. No, this isn't a slasher film. This is a suspenseful and psychological horror. By the time you're introduced to Leatherface, the notorious TCM killer, the pace of the film picks up, more ultra-bizarre freaks are introduced in the film, and the ending is simply unbelievable. I don't want to ruin it by explaining details, but I'll just tell you, it's wondrous. This is one of the most demented films I've ever seen, but not really offensive. Just bizarre, and a little scary. There are a few films I would actually consider poems. Most of them are Stanley Kubrick films. But, Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is truly a cinematic poem. Rare, and artistically pure.

new challenges

So, the other day I was watching TV. A Clearasil commercial came on, and I thought the girl in the commercial was familiar. Alas, I knew her! A wonderful moment! And, I was watching (yes, I admit) the Disney show That's So Raven and I saw another guy I auditioned for once. I saw a sitcom tonight that I went to a taping of, and I also saw 'ol Uncle Chuck Norris on the tube tonight. Friendly and strange reminders of a life I once lived. A life that only a handful of people know much about. It kind of makes me sad to have this year of life that's kind of a blank spot for so many friends and family. I wanted to bring more people into that world, but things had a way of working out differently. I still find that tough to accept. But, I soldier on in this new world. These new circumstances call for a different mindset. I struggle with the challenge, but I welcome new challenges. I don't believe in predestination (if you're not familiar with predestination, do yourself a favor and don't even ask), but I do believe that we all meet our destiny in one way or another. We have a responsibility to make choices. That is our power. We humans don't have much power beyond decision making. That's why I fight myself inwardly every day to make the right choices, and so often fail. But, I know the road to my ultimate destiny will inevitably be fulfilled. Uh,...I hope.