Pepsi Protection Ninja Squad

Earlier today, I saw that lame Chevy commercial where the guys are getting paid dollars to wash the Chevy truck "in a provocative manner." It took me back to the night of the Superbowl, where everyone waits in anticipation to see the latest Superbowl commercials. And I thought, this was actually a Superbowl commerial? LAME! What about the days of the crazy IBM commercial, or those amazing overblown Pepsi ads? Are those days long gone? Not if I have anything to do with it!

I have an idea for a Superbowl commercial that will change the advertising industry forever. It should go down in history as the greatest Superbowl commercial ever conceived.

It goes something like this:

A young guy is sitting outside at a coffee shop reading a newspaper. he has a Pepsi sitting next to him on the table. An older gentlemen walking his golden retriever walks by, and notices the Pepsi sitting there unattended. While the guy is distracted with the newspaper, the older man decides to swipe the Pepsi!

Quickly, he begins walking down the sidewalk with the Pepsi, giggling.

Suddenly, a helicopter descends from the sky, and a group of ninjas repel from it.One of the ninjas does some back handsprings toward the older gentlemen who stole the Pepsi. The ninja grabs it, and leaps back to the table from which it was stolen.

Tom Cruise enters frame in a three piece suit, with mic in hand. "Has this ever happened to you? Then allow the 'PEPSI PROTECTION NINJA SQUAD' to protect YOUR Pepsi!"

Okay, so it's a work in progress. But, it has potential, right? I think it's better than some Superbowl commercials I've seen.

stand-up

A local comedy club here in Knoxville called "The Comedy Zone" holds an open mic night every few Thursdays. On one such Thursday, a couple of weeks ago, I happened to have the night off from work. I immediately knew, despite my terror, that this was something I had to do.

My only other experience doing anything that could be considered genuine stand-up comedy was something I did a few years ago in college. It was an open mic night at a coffee house. I did about 5 minutes of improvisational rambling, which was nothing to write home about.

This time, I knew crap was different. This time it actually meant something.

The first night I did it, I had prepared a few minutes of material about my apartment. The place was dark, smoky, and some of the other comedians there were scary. I mean, genuinely brink-of-being-homeless-I-sell-drugs scary. But, once I talked to them for a minute, my fear was eased.

I felt like an amateur idiot on the stage, shaking like a leaf. No years of theater experience can prepare you. I bumbled nervously through the painfully unfunny set, stumbling over my words, talking a mile a minute. Then, about three minutes in, they turned on my microphone. Yes, I was living a genuine nightmare.

That was my introduction. Luckily, the next Thursday, I went back to open mic night. I had a much more polished set of jokes. I wasn't as scared. I got my GAME face on! It was a lot of fun, and I got a lot of positive feedback.

I want to try it again. My friends have been supportive, and this may be the beginning of a wonderful and bizarre new hobby for me!

Doug is still out there!

I recently got an Email from Doug Jones about his recent Academy Awards experience. He got to grace the ceremonies with his presence, and he was very excited about it. Congratulations, Doug! Go here to see Doug on his official web site.

Find Your Spot

I thought I would tell you all about one of my favorite web sites.It's called Find Your Spot.Com, and it's a lot of fun. You take a questionnaire about your personal preferences in living environment. Then, out of thousands of cities, it tells you the top ones that fit your criteria. And, it's free. I've gone to the site several times over the years, and it never gets old.

woody allen

Netflix has afforded me the luxury of going through a Woody Allen phase. With the ability to watch many films throughout the week, I have broadened my horizons.

I used to be turned off by Woody Allen's quirky style and odd choices. In the last year, however, I have truly developed an appreciation of his work. Bold, different, and often eccentric, Allen explores new territory in every film. He almost always writes and directs everything he makes, thus adding his signature to every movie.

When I was younger, I made the mistake of trying to watch Don't Drink The Water. I was in the stage version in college, so it made sense to do the research. Or, so I thought. I was already predisposed to not like Woody Allen, so I wasn't looking forward to sitting through this schlock. Boy, was I right. I couldn't sit through the whole mess. Disheveled and rambling, it's obvious that Woody Allen gave his film cast full improvisation freedom. They constantly deviate from the script, on long weird rants that are simply unwatchable.

But enough negative. That was a few years ago. Recently, I've watched Annie Hall, Crimes and Misdameanors, Scoop, and Matchpoint. These films are my favorites out of what I've seen. unpredictable. Filled with rich characters, twists, and a unique approach to filmmaking, these films stand out. Woody Allen himself is funny and gifted with improv.

I'm still watching more of his films, but these are my favorites to date.

Doug Jones of Pan's Labyrinth

doug jones...some more

Loyal blog readers will remember my gushing over Doug Jones a couple of years ago. He's a fantastically talented actor I met about three years ago. You can read that blog entry by clicking here.

Recently, a new film came out called Pan's Labrynth. It is adorned with critical aclaim, and has created a huge buzz. Awesome! You can go to the official Pan's Labrynth web site and check it out. Click on the "behind the scenes" gallery in the upper right. Doug plays the title character, "Pan"! He does a commentary about his physical transformation into his character.

Even though I, sadly, haven't talked to Doug in a long time, I'm proud of him. I can't wait to support him and watch this latest Doug Jones extravaganza. I've loved Doug, and I want other people to love him, too! I can't wait to see this exciting and imaginative film. Congrats, Doug.

oscar

Well, the latest Oscar nominees have been announced. This is always one of my favorite pop culture events of the year. No big surprises this time around.

I was happy to see Pan's Labrynth nominated for a few awards. My old pal Doug Jones is featured in that one. Rock on, Doug.

My favorite nominated film is The Departed. On the negative side: What about Jack Nicholson for best supporting actor? He was really good. I guess we're taking him for granted now. On the positive: Amazing script, great direction (Marty's got it in the bag), and Mark Wahlberg is certainly deserving. The rest of the cast is great, too. It's very suspenseful, upbeat, action packed. One of my favs of the whole year. Good job, Academy.

I have my work cut out for me, too. This time every year, after the nominations are announced, I get to work trying to catch up on the nominated films I missed. I can't wait to see Little Miss Sunshine, Pan's Labrynth, Monster House, and Blood Diamond. One film that caught me a little off guard this year is Babel. I guess there's been hype around it, I just haven't been paying attention. I guess I'll see that one, too.

Check out the entire list of nominees here at the offical Oscar web site.

Want to catch up on Oscar nominated films, too? Netflix is the best way to do it.

Watch past nominated short films for free at Atom Films.

miracle

Last night I saw "Miracle on 34th Street"...for the first time.

I know. I should've seen it, like, 18 times a year, right? But this one escaped me somehow. Until now. It's a glorious black and white film that is very charming. The message is simple and beautiful. I know everyone reading this has probably seen it too many times to count, so I won't bore you.

So, I've become one of those people that updates their blog, like, once per month. Shame on all of you slackers for doing that.

There is a hurricane of event happening right now in American pop culture. There are several things I would like to address. For expample, The dems taking over. Or the Britney K-fed train wreck. Or, the overblown Katie and Tom Cruise wedding. ("TomKat", as coined by the media.) Or, there's the PS3 and the Nintendo Wii. The PS3 is creating a big stir.

However, I choose to use this particular entry to voice my opinion about one horrendous pop culture event that's happening. OJ Simpson.

I have vague memories of sitting in my public school classroom watching the verdict announcement in '95. Now, it's over ten years since it occured, and these new turn of events are disturbing.

OJ is cashing in on his wife's death. And the name of the project? "If" I had killed them, here's how I "would" have done it. This is ridiculous. I think it's obvious he killed two people. No, slaughtered two people. And he got away with it. This appauls me. It's an injustice. It's disgusting, and I think OJ is a psychotic scum. He should rot in prison.

Hi! Meet my inner child

Wondrous of all Halloween wonders. Disney has decided to release Tim Burton's beloved The Nightmare Before Christmas in theaters this Halloween. Only, the glorious thing is, it's going to be in 3D!!!

Now, I'm assuming this is going to be the modern "full color" 3D. This excites me to no end. There are but a few things in this world that bring up an inner childlike joy for me. They are as follows:

1. Halloween
2. Puppies
3. The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D Theatrical Rerelease

Read a review of the movie here.

happy halloween, or something

My girlfriend and I went to an amazing Amish restaurant this weekend. We had to wait nearly an hour to get in, but it was well worth the wait.

Outside, in the "front yard" (the restaurant was made to look like a house), a man was making Sorghum. Another two women were making apple butter over an open fire. They would pour the apple butter from buckets into jars in order to sell it. I bought some barbeque sauce made with sorghum.

The food in the restaurant was good. The style was very quaint, and it was a bit like travelling back in time to the 1800's.

Afterwards we went to a "haunted" corn maze a few miles down the road. It was intense, bizarre, and somewhat fun. There was a short hayride to the entrance to the "haunted barn." We then went through the barn, corn maze, and then a weird "3-d" maze. There was a tractor transport from the corn maze to the 3-d maze, in which my girlfriend and I had the pleasure of being uncomfortably close to some local drunk teenagers. (or maybe they were in their early 20's.)

Yesterday I watched "Ernest Scared Stupid." Yeah. You read that right. The one where Ernest has to stop the evil trolls. I actually made it through the whole thing, and I only dozed off once.

I really enjoy many of the asthetic and imaginative qualities of Halloween. However, the actual holiday is always anti-climactic (for me). I never go to any Halloween balls, or put on a haunted house or anything. I don't really have the time or resources.

Anyway, that's my blog. Sorry I've been away for so long. I have renewed, my children.

farewell old friend

I finally did it. I traded in my ghetto fabulous country trekker CRX. I drove a black '91 Honda CRX for about eight years. A month or so ago, I rolled over 200,000 miles!

Yes, it didn't look like much to anyone else. But for me, that car had some true meaning. I drove that heap all through college, across the country (twice), and I hardly ever had problems with it. That car was my companion when I lived in California. That car and I saw Vegas, Hollywood, and the Grand Canyon together. I drove friends, family, and some animals along the way. She was good to me, that's for sure.

I got a slightly newer, slightly less beaten Honda Civic. A much needed improvement. Farewell, old friend.

American arrogance

The following is an excerpt from The Chicago Tribune. It's from an article written by sports writer Andrew Bagnato.

SAITAMA, Japan -- As they warmed up before Friday's semifinal against Greece, the U.S. players put on a jam session for the fans. Dwight Howard dunked emphatically. Dwyane Wade bounced the ball off the backboard, caught it and stuffed. Elton Brand jammed an alley-oop pass. Finally, LeBron James flew down the lane for a tomahawk. As the crowd roared, the Greeks lined up at the other end and shot free throws.

The moment foretold Greece's 101-95 victory in the semifinals of the world championships. The U.S. has dazzling skill; the Greeks are a dazzling team.

At first, I was going to use this article as an example of American arrogance. You know, the big world superpower arrogantly sweeping in and assuming every win. A sort of tortise and hare story. But upon second glance, the article only reveals humanity. These American guys play hard on the team, and maybe I shouldn't rush to that kind of judgement. It's bordering on cynical.

Anyhoo, that's about it. I don't have anymore deep insights into life. I'm still holding on to my job, trying to keep up with a bizarrely demanding schedule.

superman

The scene: Superman is hovering above the earth, leaning back, listening intently to all humanity. The eternal and haunting dialouge of Superman's father echoes in the background: "They can be a good people, if they choose to be." It is the original chilling Marlon Brando performance.

Later, Superman is hovering above the Earth's atmostphere, arms spread helplessly in a crucifix form. His body plummets limply to the earth. It is an image of the Savior giving himself, and dying for the sake of saving humanity.

In yet another scene, Superman is talking with Lois Lane. He is commenting on an article she wrote about him some years ago (I won't give details of the article in order to preserve the movie, if you haven't seen it!) Superman tells her he sees humanity crying out for a Savior.

These are the types of allusions to God sending Jesus to the earth in the new Superman Returns blockbuster. Despite the movie's pitfalls, there were thought-provoking themes throughout. Such as, the need for a Savior among humanity. And, the symbolism of Superman as a sort of Christ-figure, bestowed to humanity by a loving father.

Weird stuff. But, I liked it. I also find it worth mentioning that some of the action scenes were vaguely alluding to the 9/11 scenerio. That's a personal interpretation, of course. But, the thought made those scenes extra chilling.

Check out the trailer here.

I've had the last two days off. It's a nice break. I'm also still trying to wrap my brain around my new job. It's so consuming, and demanding. The learning process is draining. But hopefully it will even out over time.

emotional detail

My life has been consumed by selling used cars. The hours are nuts. 50 hours+ per week. I'm still getting used to the whole idea. It is a traumatic shift from working at Target. I'm trying not to let the pressure get to me.

They're opening an Apple store here in Knoxville. Congrats, Knox county, on being four or five years behind the curve.

I need a new car. Mine has like 198,000 miles on it. But, hey, still runs.

I've got a lot of things on my mind, and a lot of brewing sentiment in my soul. When I get my own computer, I desperately want to go into more emotional detail about things.

uh...

Sorry I've dropped my blog lately. (Another tactful apology!)

If you haven't seen Mission Impossible 3, you should. Even though Tom Cruise has a reputation for being insane, this is the best MI movie so far. Very awesome.

Even though it's nearing the end of May, the last few days in East Tennessee have been like 60 degrees. Too cold.

I bought a new TV.

I hope Taylor wins American Idol.

time of change

As I write this, I'm sitting in an office at my new apartment complex. Things have drastically changed in the last two weeks. I wish I'd had more time to blog, but I couldn't manage it! I have a new job, new apartment, and a whole new me! (Okay, maybe not the last part.)

I will spill my soul more on this later. It is a time of great change.

Blak

About ten years ago, when I was in high school, a wondrous new product came out. It was called Pepsi Kona. My friend Tim and I quickly became fans of this..."unusual" new drink. It was a blend of Pepsi and coffee. At first, that sounds kind of disgusting. But, trust me. It was good stuff. We drank it as often as we could get our hands on it. Unfortunately, they only sold it in the Northeast United States. So, Tim's family in Pennsylvania would send him cases of the stuff. Soon, they quit making the experimental Pepsi Kona. My life hasn't been the same since.

Now, dear reader, there's a new drink on the market. Coke has come out with their own take on a cola/coffee mix. It's called "Coca-Cola Blak." I was excited when I first learned about it. Ah, the nostalgic days of the mid 90's Pepsi Kona!! So, I bought a six pack of the stuff to try it. Surprisingly, it's good. It has a nice chocolatey taste to it. It's not something you could drink every day. It's sort of a specialty drink. But, it's interesting enough to at least try.

There's a Blak web site here.

easter

1After the Sabbath, as the first light of the new week dawned, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to keep vigil at the tomb. 2Suddenly the earth reeled and rocked under their feet as God's angel came down from heaven, came right up to where they were standing. He rolled back the stone and then sat on it. 3Shafts of lightning blazed from him. His garments shimmered snow-white. 4The guards at the tomb were scared to death. They were so frightened, they couldn't move.
5The angel spoke to the women: "There is nothing to fear here. I know you're looking for Jesus, the One they nailed to the cross. 6He is not here. He was raised, just as he said. Come and look at the place where he was placed.
7"Now, get on your way quickly and tell his disciples, "He is risen from the dead. He is going on ahead of you to Galilee. You will see him there.' That's the message."
8The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples.