ear candle

I am officially an idiot.

On two or three different occassions, I've had various friends and/or aquaintances tell me about a "revolutionary new" ear cleaning treatment. They described the process. You take a candle-like object, that you can purchase at most drug stores. You stick one end in your ear, and light the other end. It then, according to my friends, creates a vaccum that pulls all the "impurities" out of your ear.

The gross part is, after this process, you can (allegedly) cut the candle open to see how much impurity has been extracted from your ear. Then, you can see just how effective it has been!!!

So, today I went to a local CVS drug store. I looked around, and saw no such "ear candle." I asked the woman behind the counter about it. She replied, (imagine thick country accent) "Oh, well, you'll have to go down to that 'all natural' place down the road. They might have 'em." So, off I went. To the "all natural, herbal" medicine place.

Sure enough, they had these ear candles. I took them home, and used them.

The experience was pleasant enough. There was a weird crackling sound. I didn't feel much going on in my ear, except a light crackling. Afterward, it certainly appeared as if many, many impurities and ear wax had been extracted from my ear. But, could this really be? My ears didn't feel any cleaner.

So, I got on the net and searched for the truth about these ear candles. As it turns out, I am a first class idiot.

I can't believe I fell for this idiotic scam. What made me believe that lighting a candle and lodging it in my ear would somehow magically suck out all the "dirt" and "impurities"? I'm an idiot. The truth is, the wax from the candle melts, and appears as ear wax on the inside of the candle. So, what you're looking at is NOT your ear wax, but candle wax.

In order for a vacuum to suck out impurities from your ear, it would have to be incredibly strong. Strong enough to destroy your eardrum. Ear cleaning should only be done by doctors, and trained professionals.

This is the part that makes me angry. Not only is the candle thing a scam, but it's dangerous. I read testimonies on the net of people who burned their ears. Hot wax dripped into their ears, and one woman even reported having a damaged ear drum. She had to go to the hospital and have the wax removed.

The OPPOSITE of what she was trying to do! I can't believe I feel for this snake oil. What kind of idiot am I? I'm like one of those people who buys the super-vegetable-steamer-metal-polisher at 3 AM from some infommercial.

I'm warning you. If you hear your friends raving about this new product, stay away. My ears still ache. And, so does my pride.