tortured artist

Working at Target has afforded me the opportunity to see many "old chums" from former lives that I haven't seen in years. For example, the other day I saw a married couple with a small child. I vaguely recognized them from college, but couldn't remember their names. I probably hadn't seen them in nearly eight years. As I observed this completely typical, stable, normal couple with a beautiful baby, it was hard to fathom that they are my age! I felt a little embarassed to be standing there in the Target uniform, with my low budget name tag.

I also saw, just the other day, a woman I went to high school/college with. She just finished law school in Memphis, and now she's visiting her family after taking the bar exam. There were moments of awkwardness and struggle when, upon asking me what I had been doing since I graduated from college, I stammered for a cohesive answer. This woman, and her mother, seemed understanding. However, the sting of pride was still very clearly on my face.

With every development in my life, I continually fight to find a balance between materialism and responsibility. Responsibility, being that I make a certain amount of money, pay the bills, work hard and avoid laziness. On the other hand, I have to fight materialism in the sense that I can't measure success based on a cookie cutter idea of career success.

And, please allow me to be corny. I feel, in part, like I have many tendancies/characteristics of an artist. And, most artists I know are not inclined to pursue material gain (unless they're in Hollywood!) Rather, they're more interested in creating, expressing, letting themselves be true to who they really are. (Yeah, all those cliches!) Though I haven't completely bought into a starving artist lifestyle, I am constantly on the brink of giving in to these romantic flights of whimsy. The artist lifestyle beckons, tempts, and calls to me in a deep emotional way. At the same time, I don't buy into it completely because of urges to be financially responsible.

But don't get me wrong. I don't walk around all day with my head low, like a "tortured artist." I really love interacting with people, and I want to do something that impacts the people around me.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, you have gotten your blog money's worth today. I wasn't really planning on whining on and on like that, but, what can you do? Sometimes blogs get away from me. Plus, it's therapeutic. Sue me.

On a side note, check this out: MC Hammer has a blog. No, seriously! It's really him. Check it out,but I warn you: you can't touch it!