Reaching for an Unknown Future

Yesterday morning, January 1 2006, I went to church here in Athens, Tennessee. I went with my parents, and my three year old neice. The church was crowded and stuffy, and the pastor spoke of the future. He made an analogy to writing pens. He said he'd rather have a cheap, frayed pen that writes, as opposed to a fancy, expensive pen that doesn't work. So, I suppose it's much the same way if we bury our talents. He also spoke of God's protection and guidance for our lives in the new year. In that light, there are definite changes that need to be made in my life.

Later that day, I worked a mediocre shift at Target. I goofed off quite a bit back in the toy/sporting goods department with a co-worker. I was riding a Schwinn bike around in the back room, ignoring the basic requirements of my arbitrary job. Then, when we closed up shop, I impulsively went to IHop with a small group of fellow employees. We were an eclectic mix of various college students, and a middle aged guy. We laughed loudly and obnoxiously, eating pancakes at midnight. It was a vague throwback to my early college days. I haven't laughed that freely in a long, long time.

A couple of my co-workers told me that I should consider doing cartoon voices, or starting my own web site dedicated to...well, whatever. Little do they know of my little blogging world! I guess my co-workers and I don't really see the real sides of each other in the work environment. Most of my time at work is spent in a half-sedated state, in which I'm intoxicated by boredom and mediocrity. I have become a clock watcher. A weekend junkie. I constantly live for my next few minutes of freedom, rather than living completely in every moment.

Does that sound too romantic? But hasn't God called us to be free all the time? I mean, I'm not anti-responsibility, but I'm certainly anti-slavery. I actually feel a heavy sense of responsibility in my life. To the point where it's dibilitating sometimes.

2006 certainly holds many changes for me. There is a fire that I am attempting to recapture. If you've ever held that fire, you know what I mean. It's the fire of existing, in the moment. The fire of knowing you are in your zone, being 100% who you were born to be. If I can capture that in 2006, my new year's resolution will be fulfilled.